All of us have different sides of our personalities. There’s the kind and good person. There’s the dependable and secure person, there’s the insecure, need a helping hand person and so on. But in spite of all those different sides of us there will always be a dominant side. So how do you determine what your dominant side is? And if that side is not the side you’d want to be the dominant one is it possible to change it?
My philosophy has always been that for me if there’s something about me I don’t like then as long as there is life in my body I can make a change. First of course you have to be certain that it is something that requires changing and in the process of changing please be certain you’re not doing yourself or anyone else harm.
I believe that if I hold the candle to myself and see all my imperfections then I will be less likely to try to hold a candle to someone else. After all if I’m busy bringing the best me to the forefront then I can’t possibly do that if I’m trying to help someone else be what I think is their best self. Did you catch it? The key phrase in that last sentence? Just in case you missed it – trying to help someone else be what I think is their best self. Write this down and never forget it. It is not for us to determine what another person’s best self is. That is theirs to do, you can offer guidance and support if asked, otherwise keep your focus on you. So here are a few statements to ponder over this week. And not just ponder them, answer them. Don’t worry it’s not a test to be graded but it can serve as a guidepost along your journey to a “Fresh Start”.
For each of the statements below write yes if it applies to you. Write no if it doesn’t apply to you. But if when you read the statement it’s not a clear yes or no statement then put a question mark by it.
I am easily misled by others in order to be accepted.
I depend on others to satisfy my basic needs.
I spend more time with people who define my self-worth.
I spend more time dwelling on the shortcomings of others.
I am comfortable standing up for what I believe is right.
I react to situations based on what others think of me.
I satisfy the needs of others before dealing with my own needs.
I try to control others as a means to feel good about myself.
I spend time trying to adopt standards others have set for their lives.
I have something to offer that can help someone else.
When people disagree with me, it only means they don’t like me.
Now look back at your list and ask yourself, ” do I need to make an adjustment in me in order for the best me to come to the forefront?” Be really honest with yourself and next Monday we’ll explore part 2 of “Your Best Self Revealed”.
Oftentimes we find ourselves seeking a fresh start but somehow confuse it with needing to change the people in our lives to suit the new direction we want to take. This is a huge error and can only lead to heartache and disappointment. The “Fresh Start” is for you and as such it is not your concern about the people in you life. Why? Because it’s quite possible that the ones currently in your life may have to be let go. Let me say that again, it’s quite possible that the ones currently in your life may have to be let go. Now this doesn’t mean that as of this minute everyone currently in your life has to be let go. Not at all for there are 2 types of people that fall under the category of “Let Go”. Some must be let go immediately and others gradually. All of this depends on that persons position in your life. So don’t take this as encouragement to make a sweeping change right now.
Remember last Monday it was important to have honest self-evaluation, part of that honest self-evaluation also requires you to take stock of the people in your life. Are they an asset? Do they encourage and support you or is it their negative feedback that has held you captive in your current state? You’ll need to answer this because a good support system will go a long ways towards your ultimate goal of a “Fresh Start”. No it’s not easy but why drag dead weight to a new beginning?
Here’s a simple exercise for you:
Draw a circle with the word ME (or your name) around that circle is another circle, that’s for you to write your best/closest friends in (be sure to include family and other loved ones if that’s where they belong). Then around that another circle for associates or “people you know but aren’t your best friends”. The last circle is for acquaintances or people who you are familiar with but don’t hang or associate with. Now list the characteristics of each category you think are important for the people in that circle to possess.
Here are a few characteristics you might consider: loyal, kind, generous, patient, honest etc. It’s up to you it’s your list. You’ll discover that some people in your circles may change positions. That’s okay – keeping in mind that the last circle acquaintances will be the easiest set to begin the thinning process. Remember all of this takes time and should not be rushed.
You’re in control and the process is at your own pace and comfort level. Where you place people will say a lot about what you think of yourself, so be thoughtful and realistic. Your ultimate goal is to have your first level filled with people you know have your back and you can depend on as you map out your “Fresh Start”.
Before you can truly chart a new direction for your life it is important to take time to examine your current state and of course revisit some parts of your past. Why? Unless you learn the lessons from past mistakes you are destined to repeat them thereby prolonging the “Fresh Start” you’re wanting to begin. And without acknowledging your current circumstances you short change yourself.
You may ask “so where do I begin”? May I suggest you start by setting aside quiet time without TV, radio or people. Grab a cup of coffee, tea or another favorite drink as long as it is not alcohol (you don’t want this process to be impaired in any way). Grab a notebook, diary or your laptop. At the top of the page in bold letters write THE KEY EVENT THAT HAS HAD A NEGATIVE AFFECT ON MY LIFE. Take your time and write it all down, the good the bad, the ugly and the indifferent. Read it out loud and own it.
Now ask yourself these 3 questions:
1. Am I ready to take this negative and turn it into a positive?
2. If I have allowed others to determine my lot in life am I ready to take back control?
3. Am I willing to do the work to be the best me?
Only you have the true answers to these questions. Think about it and really dig deep within yourself to uncover the real answer. If the answer to the above is a resounding yes! Then you’re in the right place to begin your “Fresh Start” Journey.