Category Archives: Healthy Relationship Habits

Respecting Your Mamas Wisdom About Relationships


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I know, it’s hard to believe that our mamas actually had a bit of wisdom to pass along to us. It seems that once we reached those teen years suddenly we knew more than she did. Or so we believed.

But if you take time to really examine that perception you know without a shadow of doubt that we were full of ourselves and discrediting the wisdom that resided in the woman who birthed us.

So lt me as a couple of questions and I hope you’ll take time to really think about your answer before you respond. After all the person it benefits the most is….YOU.

First, are you finding yourself repeating a familiar yet uncomfortable cycle in your relationships?
Secondly, when it’s just you and your heart is broken again, do you quietly say to yourself…”Mama Said”?

Remember you must be honest. Besides I will if you will. Over the years as I’ve gone through relationships my Mama’s words have come back to haunt me. Had I taken her nuggets of wisdom to heart I know I could have avoided a lot of disappointment and would not have had to deal with:

Low Self-Worth

  • Low-Self-Esteem
  • Physical and Emotional Abuse
  • Embarrassment
  • Frustration

I can readily admit that when I reached my teen years I suddenly woke up one morning and decided my Mama didn’t know what she was talking about. Besides it had been a long time since she was a teenager. Mama’s advice for avoiding unhealthy relationships was old-fashioned I thought. The rules she lived by didn’t apply to me. How wrong was I!

Mama’s advice for avoiding unhealthy relationships was given because she wanted me to not experience some of the things she had. She wanted me to learn from her…

 Now that I’m a mother and a grandmother, I find myself in her same position. I’m sure my children and grandchildren have those moments when they think to themselves, ‘Mama Said’ or ‘Grandma Said’.

Yes, it’s true that we all have to live our own lives, however, if we take the time to really listen to what our Mamas tried to teach us about avoiding unhealthy relationships we could have avoided so much pain.

Sometimes it seems like we’ve learned from the “school of hard knocks”!

The five nuggets of wisdom that my Mama tried to share and I was too stubborn to hear:

Nugget #1 – Know You Better than Others Do and Know Your Worth

Nugget #2 – Carry Yourself with Dignity & Respect

Nugget #3 – Education is Important for Success

Nugget #4 – You Can’t Change another Human Being

Nugget # 5 – “No” is Not a Bad Word

The interesting thing is that we don’t have to always learn things the hard way. I’m grateful that before my Mama passed she knew I’d learned the above lessons. I hope you’ll acknowledge the wisdom of the Mamas and Mothers in your life. It’s never too late to put it into practice. So go ahead give her a hug and a kiss and say thank you Mama. Hopefully, one day if you’re blessed to have a daughter of your own you too can pass on your nuggets of wisdom.

Your Best Self Revealed in 2016


In 2016 I want to encourage you to make a genuine effort to let your best self be revealed for all to see and especially you! All of us have different sides of our personalities. There’s the kind and good person. There’s the dependable and secure person, there’s the insecure, need a helping hand person and so on. But in spite of all those different sides of us there will always be a dominant side. So how do you determine what your dominant side is? And if that side is not the side you’d want to be the dominant one is it possible to change it?

My philosophy has always been that for me if there’s something about me I don’t like then as long as there is life in my body I can make a change. First of course you have to be certain that it is something that requires changing and in the process of changing  please be certain you’re not doing yourself or anyone else harm.

I believe that if I hold the candle to myself and see all my imperfections then I will be less likely to try to hold a candle to someone else. After all if I’m busy bringing the best me in 2016 to the forefront then I can’t possibly do that if I’m trying to help someone else be what I think is their best self. Did you catch it? Did you catch the key phrase in that last sentence? Just in case you missed it – trying to help someone else be what I think is their best self. Write this down and never forget it. It is not for us to determine what another person’s best self is. That is theirs to do, you can offer guidance and support if asked, otherwise keep your focus on you. So here are a few statements to ponder over this week as you begin to plot your journey to your best self being revealed in 2016.  And not just ponder them, answer them. No worries it’s not a test to be graded but it can serve as a guidepost along your journey to your best self.

For each of the statements below write yes if it applies to you. Write no if it doesn’t apply to you. But if when you read the statement it’s not a clear yes or no statement then put a question mark by it. I am easily misled by others in order to be accepted. I depend on others to satisfy my basic needs. I spend more time with people who define my self-worth. I spend more time dwelling on the shortcomings of others. I am comfortable standing up for what I believe is right. I react to situations based on what others think of me. I satisfy the needs of others before dealing with my own needs. I try to control others as a means to feel good about myself. I spend time trying to adopt standards others have set for their lives. I have something to offer that can help someone else. When people disagree with me, it only means they don’t like me.

Now look back at your list and ask yourself, “Do I need to make an adjustment in me in order for the best me to come to the forefront?” Be really honest with yourself and decide for yourself, if you need a little extra guidance to get started to your best self being revealed.

If you believe you can benefit from a little extra guidance then perhaps you’d be interested in a six-part series that Fresh Start for Women is offering to jumpstart 2016. This series is entitled, ‘From Adversity to Passion: A Journey to Your Divine Destiny and Joy’. This series is being offered in two formats. The first is as a guided online course that you can embark on at your own pace. The second is a live course which will commence on Saturday January 16th from 9:30am to 11:30am. The live course does require you to register in order to receive the pre-course materials and meeting location. You can register here. Either way we at Fresh Start for Women wish you well on your journey to Your Best Self Revealed in 2016.

 

Healthy Relationship Habits Can Transform Your Life


Everything in life boils down to our habits that we have.  Unfortunately, many of us have old worn out habits that don’t serve us any longer; especially if we had a lot of emotional trauma in our lives.  So we need to create new healthy relationship habits!

I want you to think about the stages of how a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. The butterfly wasn’t always a butterfly as you know…it started as a very tiny egg.  Once that egg hatches, it becomes a caterpillar. It is during this stage that the caterpillar begins to prepare itself by first eating the leaf it was born on. Once it has reached its appropriate length and weight it begins to form itself into pupa, also known as chrysalis. Of course from the outside it looks as if the caterpillar is resting, but inside the caterpillar is actually changing. If you could peer inside the cocoon, you’d see the stubby looking caterpillar begin the metamorphosis of becoming a butterfly.  When it is ready to emerge from its chrysalis it will be a full grown butterfly.

So, let’s take the same process and apply it to you.  You’ve experienced some heart wrenching moments…physically, emotionally, spiritually, or a combination. In either case you’ve been blessed to survive it.

So now what?

Let’s examine your options:

  1. You could stay stuck in the past. Not a good option for it will cause you to miss out on some wonderful adventures. This could include meeting new friends and experiencing new things; including a new relationship rooted in respect and love.
  2. You could carry the hurt with you into the next relationship; again not a good option. Eventually you run the risk of not even enjoying your own company.
  3. Or, you could reap the lessons from the experience and move forward confident and ready to move to a happier and healthier existence in which you spread your beautiful wings and soar.
  4. Sure there will be setbacks along the way. The key is to persevere and stand rooted in the knowledge that you know how valuable you are. Like the butterfly you are able to bring joy to others as well as yourself. The events of the past don’t have to define who you are today.

It all boils down to changing your habits — how you respond to events that happen (in a healthy way, by staying present) and also by trying new things and new ways of being in the world!

Renewing All of You after an Unhealthy Relationship


Reviving your spirit, letting go of things you’ve held on to that have caused you pain and harm has been an ongoing task after escaping an unhealthy relationship. Emptying the negativity of the past is not an easypure_joy[1] activity.I want to encourage you to continue with all the good you’re doing for in the end the new you that emerges will be strong, powerful, positive, and determined. But in all this transformation don’t forget about the outside.

It’s easy to overlook because you may think “well there’s nothing wrong with the way I look”. Are you sure? Let me ask a few questions and then you decide.

  1. When you give yourself that one last look in the mirror before you walk out the door are you smiling?
  2. Do you look with excitement and anticipation to the day ahead?
  3. Do the clothes you wear reflect the new you you’ve been working on?
  4. Do you look up and not down when you’re going about your business?
  5. Do you greet people with a smile and/or a nod of hello?
  6. Does the physical you reflect a person focused on being healthy as well?

I ask these questions because if there’s been a transformation on the inside it should reach the outside as well. The new you should exhibit an air of confidence and assurance that you know exactly who you are. At first it may seem strange and out of character but why should it? Haven’t you worked hard to let go of things that have weighed you down?  Haven’t you quieted that voice that told you deserved to be treated as a non-person? Didn’t you say good-bye to the butterflies that used to rule you when you heard a raised voice or coward in fear from physical harm? Yes. These are all great accomplishments and should be celebrated. Let’s take it a step further and make the outside you reflect the positive changes happening on the inside. Let your new walk reflect your new air of lightness. There should be a sense of purpose in every step and a determination that lights up your face.

That unhealthy relationship stole your joy and you’ve worked hard to it back. You’ve surrounded yourself with new friends and let go of some you discovered really weren’t your friends. You speak affirming messages of strength, love and forgiveness every day.  You write them on your heart so that they have become a second skin. Wear it proudly. Your glow is coming forth so give that glow a new home. Improve your outer appearance as well. Make these five tips a part of your new routine.

  1. Get some exercise – walk, bike or join a gym if you can afford it, either way don’t let money or the lack of money keep you from improving your physical health.
  2. Eat more fruits and vegetables and drink lots of water while cutting down on sugar and empty calories.
  3. Get a new wardrobe one that reflects the new you and again don’t let money or lack thereof prevent you from making a change. Use your creativity. You’ll be surprised what you can do.
  4. Let the joy on the inside be reflected in the face you present to the world. Smile more and often, and greet people with a genuine look. Don’t be surprised if you get them back in return.
  5. Make a promise to yourself to always love you.

Let today be the starting point for ‘Renewing All of You after an Unhealthy Relationship’. Most of all I encourage you to enjoy it with the new you you’re creating from the inside out.

Healthy Relationship Habits Can Transform Your Life


Everything in life boils down to our habits that we have.  Unfortunately, many of us have old worn out habits that don’t serve us any longer; especially if we had a lot of emotional trauma in our lives.  So we need to create new healthy relationship habits!

I want you to think about the stages of how a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. The butterfly wasn’t always a butterfly as you know…it started as a very tiny egg.  Once that egg hatches, it becomes a caterpillar. It is during this stage that the caterpillar begins to prepare itself by first eating the leaf it was born on. Once it has reached its appropriate length and weight it begins to form itself into pupa, also known as chrysalis. Of course from the outside it looks as if the caterpillar is resting, but inside the caterpillar is actually changing. If you could peer inside the cocoon, you’d see the stubby looking caterpillar begin the metamorphosis of becoming a butterfly.  When it is ready to emerge from its chrysalis it will be a full grown butterfly.

So, let’s take the same process and apply it to you.  You’ve experienced some heart wrenching moments…physically, emotionally, spiritually, or a combination. In either case you’ve been blessed to survive it.

So now what?

Let’s examine your options:

  1. You could stay stuck in the past. Not a good option for it will cause you to miss out on some wonderful adventures. This could include meeting new friends and experiencing new things; including a new relationship rooted in respect and love.
  2. You could carry the hurt with you into the next relationship; again not a good option. Eventually you run the risk of not even enjoying your own company.
  3. Or, you could reap the lessons from the experience and move forward confident and ready to move to a happier and healthier existence in which you spread your beautiful wings and soar.
  4. Sure there will be setbacks along the way. The key is to persevere and stand rooted in the knowledge that you know how valuable you are. Like the butterfly you are able to bring joy to others as well as yourself. The events of the past don’t have to define who you are today.

It all boils down to changing your habits — how you respond to events that happen (in a healthy way, by staying present) and also by trying new things and new ways of being in the world!